It's a gorgeous day in Wellington without a cloud in the sky, the wind a playful tease, waves lapping thirstily against the shores. Our neighbor suggested The Chocolate Fish Cafe during a drunken night over too many bottles of especially good wine in our home, and although I always have my doubts when it comes to restaurant suggestions from people who have prohibitive diets that are purely based on preferences and not medical needs, I gave this one the benefit of a doubt.
Should I have stuck to my gut instincts and not listened? Hell. Yes.
The view from this cafe is not lost on me. With the ocean only a few steps away and Hataitai and Melrose hills in the close distance, it's a beautiful and cheery place to take the kids, with lots of toys and 3-wheel trikes, a mini playground with a large grass lawn to run about while the adults drink their coffees and eat in peace for a few minutes before the crying and kiddie whinging start up again.
I enjoyed the atmosphere, especially with the sun beating down on the full scene like a young Kiwi pastoral landscape gone wild.
None of this gets the cafe off the hook, though.
I read through the menu, excited by the seafood sandwiches and limited scope of food. Usually, that means a place knows how to do a few things really well. I ordered a scallop sandwich for $17 and my partner ordered a crayfish sandwich for $20.
What I got was two pieces of "italian" bread (Why the asterisks? I don't know, ask the staff. Perhaps it's not really Italian, but only 30%?), with 8 scallops, a small handful of baby spinach leaves, a runny and bland garlic aioli and a lemon wedge.
The scallops were under-seasoned, the aioli was just a runny mayo without a hint of garlic flavor, and the bread tasted stale. The only thing that didn't make me chuck my plate off the edge of the balcony we sat upon were the scallops. They were fresh, plump and juicy.
My partner's crayfish sandwich was only slightly better, with plump pieces of crayfish blended into a soft omelette with butter and parsley. Still, the bread just wasn't the right conduit for this sandwich, making it look as insipid and limp as it tasted.
The crayfish and scallops were the stars of the meal by far, but it's kind of hard to fuck up fresh seafood, try as they might, and $37 for 8 scallops and a few pieces of crayfish is not really worth it. By the amount of traffic and business this place gets, I'm surprised they haven't upped their ante. I also wonder if parenthood make taste buds go into remission? I hope not or else we're never having kids.
